February Tarot * Valentine’s * Stagnation

Seems to be the near annual query as to whether I’m ready to leave the stag nation behind and board a relation ship, or if I’m content in playing “when trauma king meets drama queen,” and in hiding my fear of inadequacy behind my counterdependent male, while she plays damsel in distress or the stereotypical codependent female, who is yet to size up her fear of rejection. And granted it would be great to come upon a low maintenance, high frequency female counterpart, and yet my subterranean fear of the again stereotypical high maintenance, low frequency femme fatale seems to override any semblance of overture that might land me in her favor. And it’s not like I nor most anyone else wouldn’t want at the very least friend’s with benefits, i.e. someone to confide in, her healing touch and to just plain and simple feelgood and better ‘bout myself. Afterall, isn’t happiness meant to be shared ?? !! And then there is the seemingly inevitable, if and only if, I could distill down those irreconcilable differences to merely, merely, merely, “insignificant faults.” Let alone that the cold hard truth may be that on some level, not only am I not sure how to get there, but if I am being completely honest and emotionally uninvested, that there is some aspect of me that doesn’t really want to get there. Am I afraid that I’ll find myself behind the wheel of a large automobile, living in a shotgun shack, and asking myself, is this not my beautiful house, my beautiful wife, and my once upon a time beautiful life ?? !! Am I afraid that it will be the same as it ever was, and that I shoulda never left port, even though I know that a relation ship is but safe in harbor, and yet that’s not what’s it’s built/made for ?? Am I afraid that I’ll be a relationship slacker, not able to hold things down, and that my nonviolent communication skills may falter in the face of reality, and that I’ll be hitting up Isaac the Bartender sooner than I’d wish, and that she is closer to being on the verge of a nervous breakdown than an ecstatic breakthrough ?? !!

What’s a man to do ?? !! How are my funds, how is my fun in life ?? How is my cash flow, how is my flow in life ?? No money, no honey ?? I’ve read that “the troubadours recognized Amor as the highest spiritual experience,” and it’s been said that, “marriage is the most rigorous spiritual practice there is,” and yet as a more often than not, womanless man, mine is the denial of sexual intimacy. And perhaps I subconsciously blame any sex negativity I might harbor on Christian guilt and/or shame, and yet it is not a secret that “sex positive loving increases wellness,” and that sex can be a “crucial regenerative force.” So how is it then that mutuality and interdependence have been mutually exclusive more often than I’d care to admit ?? I don’t do Netflix and I don’t have a tv, and am not too big on cell phones. I do like to make dinner and am willing to do the dishes. I think I ask questions and am a fairly capable listener. And I’ve been told enough to “trust the process.” My default button is that I’m in love with her. I trust in life, alone and all one. I soften to receive, and in knowing that life is a love story, and her song our lantern.

Stagnation * eight of cups * Voyager Tarot

If you feel depressed, emotionally frozen or numb, or you’re feeling closed down, find refuge and retreat. If you’ve lost your emotional vitality and are just droning on and on, and you cannot get out or unstuck, or you debauch to compensate for your emotional loss, and may even be feeling self destructive, let go and fall to the rock bottom of the barrel. Do not resist her. Slip and slide, and get away if you need to. If things are taking forever and going in slower and slower motion, consider to restore your energy in still and motionless places, of quiet and solitude, and in knowing that it’s all just compost for our soul. Be a slug and return to the earth, and in knowing that new seeds are germinating under the surface of your indolence. Allow yourself to be in this swamp of emotional lethargy. Let yourself feel the blahs, and as out of the swamp comes new life. Recall too that decay creates the conditions for reLife and rebirth, and for a new spring, and as you wait to be refilled. Stagnation is the emotional state of balance when things have reached a point of stasis or stillness, and you are waiting for new inspiration and energy. Rest and you will regenerate and resurface. Sleep, be dull, pig out, but do not let yourself get stuck in your swamp of debauch. Go to the swamp of sloth, but get out. Do not let yourself stagnate in the middle of a project or when you have not done your thing all the way to completion. Real eyes that too much stagnation may suffocate your creative spirit. Consider to say I do.